Back Surgery

Friends, family, loved ones, and members of my circle:
      I had my back surgery on Nov.1st, 2011. As of this point, I no longer feel the shooting pain that had been running down my right leg for nearly 7 years. At this point, I merely have to recover from the actual surgery, and hope soon to be back to exercising, especially to lose the extra 30 pounds I put on since the hernia surgery in February. In fact (and this is a step in the Way Back Machine for a lot who know me), I went a purchased a new pair of roller skates to begin this exercise - gotta go get some street wheels, in order to not ruin the rink wheels. I feel great, I'm happy, and Becky and I have put off the wedding until recovery is more complete. I want to thank the Lady and the Lord, all the Powers That Be, and everyone who spent positive energies to help. The world would be a much finer place to live in if all were like this. Namamste'

An End is just a Beginning

In unit three, we were asked to rate ourselves on a scale of 1-10 with regards to our physical, spiritual and psychological well-being. At that time, I scored myself as a 4 physically, an 8 spiritually, and a 7 psychologically. Now that we are at the end of this term (and for me, and end to this relationship with Kaplan, for I graduate at the end of the term), I would perhaps change the scores only a little. For the physical, I might go to a 5, because for the last week or so, I have been feeling great with regards to my chronic back pain. I received the second epidural shot on Wednesday the 3rd, and so far have not had any relapses into the terrible mind-numbing pain that I have been dealing with for over 6 years. I am hopeful that I will be able to get out and start my walking soon; if I am not to have spasms and relapses, I will trust that I can move forward with my goals. With both the spiritual and the psychological, I would keep the scores where they are, for I am still practicing my daily rituals, and am still keeping my mind open and in a loving-kindness mode. Some days it is harder than others, because no one is perfect, and there are trials dealing with others who are not open nor kind. But in keeping myself on the positive route that I am on, I know that I will continue to grow in my relationship with the Divine, and with my fellow human beings. I do practice my daily prayers, and meditations - I really love the desert, and I went and found a nice place not to far from home, where I can be with Nature, away from people, and just chill. I am also looking forward to being able to re-enter the workforce, for by graduating next week, I will take my application and resume' to an agency that is very close to my house. I know that the American economy is very low at the moment, and that many people are having a hard time finding work. I will maintain being positive that earning this degree will make me very marketable to the places I want to work.
      Being in this class, as I have said before, has re-awakened me to my calling, and reminded me that the things I have studied for many years are calling me to put them into practice, like I did before, but more refined now. I am happy to see that there are others willing to try being open minded, and practice being more positive, because we all have an effect on the world, and the more positive we can be, the better the world will be. It's not just a fantasy, or a joke, it is real - how we act and react to each other determines the social realities we create. Keep being positive, keep trying to love our neighbors, and being kind to those we encounter each day, and we may just come out on top. I don't think any of what we studied is too difficult to practice, it's just a case of getting the information out to people, something that a course like this is doing. I hope we all have had a change of heart, and of practice, and of having a less stressful life, and that we will all carry this with us when we leave the course and school. May you all have the brightest of blessings, full of love, light and happiness, and may we all strive for integral health and wholeness. Namaste'.

Chris Keenen's Final Project, HW 420-02

Well, folks, here it is, final project time. I hope everyone had as much good learning in this course as I did. Good luck in all your future endeavors.
Final Project

Chris

Two favorite exercises

Within this class, we have had several assignments, exercises and meditations designed to bring about a shift in our consciousness'. I would have to say, after reviewing, that my two favorites are the "Meeting Aesclepius", and the "Subtle Mind" exercises. As I have noted in other blogs and discussion boards, I have been on this path for quite some time, yet it never hurts to have a refresher course now and then. In the "Meeting Aesclepius" exercise, I was able to put a face to the energy that I had talked with for a long time. Often, it has just been an amorphous mass of swirling Chaos that I spoke with, but now that I have given it a body and a face, it seems that I can access it all the more readily. As for the "Subtle Mind" practice, I had admitted to having been astray from the Path for some time, and this exercise reminded me of where I needed to be, and how to return. Once I had done this meditation, my memory and thoughts of it's grace and power returned, and I am once again in contact with what I am Here to do. The subtle mind leads itself to knowing the witnessing mind, the calm-abiding, and finally the unity consciousness that I (and everything, for that matter) am a part of. Being now in my 40's, this is a great reminder for me for the focus of the latter half of my life,and I feel that I can approach the future with enthusiasm and the joy that comes from being in service to others. I will incorporate both the vision of myself as healer, and the patterns of the collective consciousness, to pass along this message wherever I can. In working with persons with developmental disabilities, I can shine light on what may be a difficult life for them, and possibly help lessen their perceived burdens. I can use my energies to help lift up the hearts and minds of the veterans I serve through my work in the American Legion. And I can sleep easier at night, knowing that, rather than being a cause of stress and strife, I am working to heal those social wounds. Namaste'

Meeting Aesclepius

As a entry note to this meditation, I had a setback from the great relief I had previously posted re: my day free from pain with the epidural shot. Thursday, while cleaning the pool filter, my back suddenly popped, and I was dropped to my knees as all the blocked pain came rushing back in. I know that the pain doctor said this would be a trial and error pace, but I was so disappointed to have to get rushed to the ER, after a day of feeling alive again. I am doing a little better, but this blog is late, because I can't sit at the comp for very long at one time, but I don't want to be any later on getting this out.

Besides, with this meditation being "Meeting Aesclepius", I was excited to get to it, because even before performing the meditation, I knew it would be good for me, and especially given my current physical situation. With the setback in treatments, I have had to go back to taking the handfuls of medications every 6 hours, but I am fully hopeful that I have at least another avenue of healing that should allow me to be rid of the meds once and for all.
     In doing this exercise, I envisioned two separate men who I feel exemplify that image of the Wise Healer; Dr. Hoyt, my H.S. sophomore AP Biology teacher, and Dr. Page, my first transpersonal Psychology teacher. I saw them merge in my head, wearing green robes, with a loving smile, and time-worn, but healthy skin. He seemed to shine from within, and his eyes were aglow. There was a knowing look on his face, and as the meditation progressed, I realized that the look was a welcoming home of a part of myself. There was a feeling of calm goodness, happiness, love and healing; I envisioned a drum, rattle, snake skins and incense smoke, as we sat to face and contemplate each other. With the visioning of the white light from him to me, it was natural for me to progress the vision before the speaker did on the disc - I was already seeing the light coming from this being's top four chakras (Crown, Third Eye/Mouth, Throat, and Heart) before being told to. With the first re-emergence of this energy into my own, I was aware of my heartbeat being intense, but not sped up or racing, just like all-of-a-sudden, it was there. I attributed this to the re-entry of the love that this energy brings. I noticed as we looked at each other, I was not self-focused on my back pain; although I am worried that just the right move in the wrong way will bring intense agony back, it wasn't as important as welcoming back the Healer Within. He has been hidden by my doubts of not being able to heal all those who make seek/have sought my healing energies, since I myself am in need of the healing. Yet I realized that the two are not mutually exclusive, and for me to heal, I have to relax, and to accept that it is OK to get healing from other sources - I don't have to do it alone, in other words. I will continue to remember the image of this wizened old/young man within, because I have always known that I, too, am capable of healing, both myself, and others.
     "One cannot lead where one has not gone himself," is an interesting phrase for one such as I, who enjoys the role of Devil's Advocate. Firstly, I agree that I cannot ask others to take a step that I have not taken (or were unwilling to take) myself. However, I am very much a follower of the concept of 'leading by example', and I would be more than happy to take that journey right next to those I might be asking to take that first step. In relation to what we are trying to comprehend, however, I know that I needed to learn and understand the different healing arts, meditations, and forms of spiritualities that I have learned, so that I can best help guide those who come to me for help. I believe much of our 'lost humanity', so to speak, is due to forgetting that we are Divine made Flesh. We came from a much better, lighter, and more energized place, in order to be born into the mortal flesh from which we experience and learn what it means to be 'human'. This is the attitude I would take into my role as a health professional, that I can see where we should be, and try to understand my client's motivations and spiritual practices well enough, to help them find their paths a little easier. I think this is the least that I could do to help those who would come to me; I'm not in this is gain megabucks from weekend retreats, I'm here to serve. For through service to others, we are in turn, served. And that is the key to the healing mystery, that concept of what goes around, comes around; as a health professional, I would be cheating others (and ultimately myself) if I did not hold to this awesome ideal.

Keeping you posted

I know this isn't a regular assignment entry, but as it pertains to what we are learning, studying and (hopefully) practicing in this class, I thought I'd blog just to keep you all informed. As many of you know, I have had some serious, chronic low back pain problems. I have had two hernia operations, and have taken 5 different drugs, four times a day, for over 6 and 1/2 years. Yesterday was my first visit to the pain management specialist, who determined that I could probably be OK with the steroid epidural shot in my spine. And boy, let me tell you, I am glad that I did. Yesterday at 10 am Arizona time, was my last handful of pills; I had the procedure done at 11am. The idea was to take it easy throughout the day, not just up and run a marathon or anything, so I chilled. When it came time to go to bed 11pm, or so, I could not sleep. Not because I was in pain, but due to the lack of it.
    It is like I'm an addict coming off of his drugs - I could feel everything again, smell scents I couldn't smell, and breathe deeper than I have for years. Because of this re-awakening, I was hot, I was cold, I got maybe 20-25 minutes per hour of sleep last night. I knew the big test, however, was going to be getting out of bed. My lady let me sleep because she knew what I was going through (since she was up with me most of the night); I finally slept somewhere between 6am and 11:30 when I had to get up to relieve myself. She noticed that I was out of bed without the grunting and groaning, pissing and moaning that she'd heard from me these past many months. She says I am holding myself taller, my eyes are clearer, and I don't seem to be letting every little mosquito fart and kid interruption bother me like it previously had. I am elated. I may have mentioned this early on in class, but to remind ya, I have only been back in my desert (AZ) since September of last year. I left Nebraska after raising my daughter Zen, and seeing her married off and away with her Navy man - and I had spent almost 6 years in Scotland, where I got my injuries working with a quadriplegic man in a wheelchair. Never the less, I always told myself if I could come back to the land of my birth, Phoenix, then I would be able to start setting things aright again. And in less that a year - from last Sept. - I have met the love of my life, I have been giving a new lease on my body, free from pain, and I graduate with my four year degree in Psychology in just about 4 weeks. This has been intentional, this following of that voice inside my head that said, "If you go there, it will come"; this has been me getting into this class, to remind me of long-forgotten practices that I needed to be reminded of, of knowing how to meditate, of remembering living integrally, and it couldn't have happened without effort from me. So I just wanted to share this with y'all, and thank you for being part of this marvelous journey that has gotten me, back to me. Namaste'

Chris

Meditation and assessment

I hope everyone had the kind of experience that I had when doing the universal loving-kindness exercise. The opening of the heart chakra to the world, basically, is to feel both the pain and suffering of everyone, AND the joy of loving life from everyone. It is a mixed emotional state, but an extremely powerful one. When doing this exercise, I was reminded of a ritual that I took part in back when I was working with a Wiccan coven. We decided to do a "Healing the World" ritual; there were six of us who had done several rituals before, and we worked well together. We asked that everyone bring a handful of earth from where they lived, and we placed all of this dirt in a big glass jar, to use as a focal point. The ritual involved a sort of guided meditation, with a focus on first sensing the people of the world's pain and suffering, and then sending them back waves and waves of our loving-kindness energy. I would say this at this juncture - several people who participated in this exercise were not very grounded, and they got terribly sick the very next day. By grounded in this sense, I mean they were not able to release the energy of the world's pain and suffering, and they ended up going home with that energy still inside them.
     NOTE: of course at the end of the ritual, we had a grounding period, "cakes and ale" time, where we sat comfortably, quietly discussing our individual perceptions of the ritual, and eating some blessed food and juice. Unfortunately, those who got sick were not aware that they had not released all of the negative energy, and so took it home with them. I would never NOT do a grounding after a ritual; it is a vital part of the ceremony, to chill, relax, and release, because most ceremonies of this type can raise quite a bit of energy.
     As for myself, being reminded of that time during this exercise, I was once again amazed at the huge amount of negativity in our world, and the immense tenacity with which we humans strive against it. I would cure the world's ills, were I given the power. As it stands, I can only cure those I can reach AND who are willing to help heal themselves. With my work with the American Legion, we always have a chair set aside, and draped with the POW-MIA flag, to remind us that there are still servicemen and women out there being held in captivity, or who still have yet to be found. This practice brought those thoughts to my head as I was practicing the mantras in the exercise; needless to say, I was completely awash in tears, because of the intensity of the emotions I have when it comes to knowing how much suffering there really is in our world.
     As for the second part of this assignment, the integral assessment, I found this an interesting practice, and was quick to determine which of the four quadrants was/is causing me the most difficulty and suffering. The biological quadrant. I basically have four vertebrae in my lower back that are off-kilter due to slipped discs. These vertebrae being out of alignment cause pinching of the nerves that run the length of the right side of my body; I am pretty much in constant pain and have been since this occurred in 2005. So, for the assessment and what I need to work on most, it goes kind of like this:
Fitness - I used to walk several miles a day (this is due to not being able to do much more than this because of the nature of the pain); I recently had a hernia operation, to fix the hernia operation that I had in Scotland, that was done in such a manner as to cause the doctors here to tell me that they had never seen such a botched job. Since the hernia op made me not able to even walk, I didn't, and have gained about 30 pounds. This additional weight of course, make the pressure on my back worse. As a good side note, though, I am going finally to see a pain management specialist on Tuesday, to begin possibly getting epidural shots to numb the nerves. I may even qualify for surgery, but that's a last option.
Nutrition - I eat pretty well, but for many years, I only ate one meal a day; this caused my body to act in a "feast-or-famine" mode, and instead of losing weight, I gained it. Since I have not been able to exercise, and being with my fiance and her two kids, I have begun eating more regularly, and at the same time, encouraged them to try healthier foods, like broiled fish, and salads, and veggies. So there is a goodness working in there, I just need to regulate my eating with exercise, which I hope to be able to start next week. (In case you are asking yourself, "Why can't he walk?", every once in a while, I will have a nerve pinch so sever, that it drops me to the floor, and this can happen with the slightest of antecedents. Because no one wishes this to happen to me miles away from home, I have been instructed to just wait til I see this pain specialist next week.) I have a plan of action that is intentional (as the integral practice should be), I just have to wait a little longer to fit all the pieces together.

     Well, this has gotten a lot longer than I expected, and I hope none of you got tired of reading and managed to make it this far. I look forward to reading your experiences with this practice. Namaste'